07 February 2009


At some point in every adult life we face a decision.....
Will we act in an ethical manner, or no...
Will we be willing to loose a friendship by telling the truth,
or will we slide back into the comfortable but dark disfunction of going along with the trend.....
The trend maybe to fudge the truth, like on one's taxes, or on one's background, or education in order to get what we want at the time.

It is always a slippery slope.

Now, I am realizing that choosing to do the "right thing" also entails pain.
Pain of loosing a friendship,
pain of being alone in the right,
sadness that a relationship was not what one imagined.
Pain of feeling lost in the growth,
for there is always growth.
Some refer to it as "peeling the onion".
I now know that the reason we cry when chopping an onion has something to do with
revealing the truth....

I have lost special people in my life thru my choosing not to participate in the lies.....
Not my lies, theirs....
I choose to live in reality, not denial.
For denial is a dangerous place for me to tread.
I fear going there.

Some days I feel particularly raw.
I feel worn out from the growth.
I no longer allow myself the luxury of denial.

Sometimes, I am just plain sad.
I am beginning to hate growth.

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