Light....

I know that it is because I photograph things

(technical word)

but I love the way light transforms

an object.

Have you noticed this?

Take anything that is even slightly

transparent...

glass works for me.

Then place it in natural light,

in a window,

outside...

even on your desk...

then photograph it from various angles....

digital allows for lots of experimentation...

shoot lots....

(another technical term)

then download to your computer

and view on the larger screen..

make it even bigger

(sorry for all the technical stuff)

observe how light can make an object

look "harder"

or "softer"

even "fuzzy"....

Now you are seeing what I see when

I play.....

smiles.

Fall Reflections....

So much has happened in the last eight years...

friendships made, lost, found, renewed,

broken, discovered, changed,

created, altered,

deepened....

So grateful,

so content,

so different,

so hopeful,

so enlightened....

smiles.

What I realized....

was....that I had spent my entire life

making others responsible for my happiness...

I was miserable and went

about my life blaming the

misbehaving people in my life,

for my sadness...

Eight years ago...

all that changed.

suddenly, as those towers came down..

I came face to face with my

sadness....

at first, all I could do was cry...

sometimes for the thousands affected by this tragedy,

and at times, honestly... for myself

for all I was missing in life.

For the relationship that had not blossomed

and grown...

For the envy I felt toward

happy women in good relationships.

Over the next few days,

it seemed that every time I listened to radio,

or TV, I heard stories of people who were "saved"

from the catastrophe thru some strange coincidence

or "angelic intervention".

All of these people, when interviewed, spoke

about how they came to believe that God had something

"bigger" in mind for them, that they were not meant to

be in the towers, but were meant to live...

and perhaps accomplish something else.

I started to think about

exactly what I was "contributing"...

I prayed, meditated, and consulted with people

whose opinion I valued.

Someone, who has always been there for me

said...."you know, we are all responsible for our own

happiness...."

Really.

Well...

those words changed my life.

I woke up.

I started to work on me...

I explored new avenues...

I started to look at my happiness as a project,

one that would be on-going.

I worked toward the goal of self-responsibility,

and I started to step out on faith...

faith that if I "would simply show up at the party...

well, something will happen".

A tremendous amount of difficult things

started to happen,

but you know....

through it all,

I was happy.

smiles.

Let's just say....it changed my life....

09/11/01

No, I didn't loose anyone....

not in a personal connection sense
but I lost me....

It is very difficult to describe exactly

where I was at the time...

but it all started with the phone call...

just like everyone else who received a phone call

that morning....

I was ironing....

laundry was piled up on the couch...

hanging from the doorways....

tumbling in the dryer...

swishing in the washer...

and lying on the floor...

It was a day much like today.

I was mesmerised by what I saw....

I sat down on the couch and just stared at the TV...

mouth hanging open for quite awhile..

and then I broke the stare...

jumped up and called my parents...

They hadn't even turned on their TV...

they had no idea...

soon my dad was saying quietly...

"It'll come down.."

I didn't know what he meant at first,

but he is a Civil Engineer, so I knew it was

a "structural comment".

He said

"they both will come down soon..."

I could not absorb the enormity of what

he was saying.

But there they were.....falling....

both of them.

As they day unfolded...

TV quietly murmuring in the background...

I started to receive calls...

iron some more...

make calls....

iron...

And then,

a small seed started to grow

inside of me...

The seed of freedom.

I was thinking about what it means to

be an American, and I thought about my life.

I had been miserable for months...

maybe years.

I needed some relief...

but didn't know how....

This day eight years ago started a journey for me...

a journey that has brought me to this place of happiness.

Happiness like I have never felt in my life.

Can one be happy, grateful...

and terribly sad....

all at the same time?

Do we ever really know...

Where home is.....?

Do we ever actually get to the point where we know....

Really know...

that we are going to live the rest of our days

in the place to which we have arrived...

Children never seem to have a care...

never worry....

not at this point

where they run thru a field...

in pretty spring dresses,

picking flowers for Mommy....

Oh to be a child...

carefree...

burden free...

worry free...

how would that feel?

Can we convince ourselves that there

is more than just this current trend

of disappointments...

Can we actually

find a way to

"live in the moment"?

What would become of the world

if we all lived

simply in the moment...?

Do we have

the ability to

focus ourselves on the

here and now?

Or did we give up that ability

long ago,

when we innocently traipsed ourselves into

adulthood...

Oh to be Peter Pan...

Smiles.

I just can't get enough.....

Of these guys...

and gals...

they are just fascinating to watch...

they are so accustomed to me now that I can just about sit

right under the feeder and watch them...

I don't know volumes on hummingbirds,

but what I understand is that they

are now in the process of fattening up (and who wouldn't)

for their long flight south for the winter.

Well,

I love to watch them

flit about,

hit that feeder,

fight with each other...

and wasps...

and honey bees....

and other birds...

I think they are just the

perfect obsession for a sunny

Friday afternoon..

Smiles

Denim Obsession....

Well,...

I may have gone over the edge....

I am dreaming about denim now...

or at least the pursuit of said denim..

Greatest fear?

Will there be enough?

Yes, I know

that's silly, of course there will be enough.

But, could you clue my dreams into the facts of life..

No,

I thought not.

Do you have strange dreams?

Are you running from something?

Do they ever catch you?

Are your dreams in color?

Do you have dreams with "smell-o-vision"?

(sorry Emeril!)

Do you dream every night?

I've never had a dream where I fly,

does that mean I am fulfilled?

I have had dreams where people close to me

died, is that a premonition?

What do you think?

Smiles.