Your childhood friend.....

That's Cheri and me at Myrtle Beach SC...

circa, 1974.

We have been best friend since we were pre schoolers..

we went to elementary, middle, and high school together...

12 years.

We played kick ball, played in the creek, swam at the local pool,

roamed the neighborhood, played tricks on our younger

siblings, watched soap operas, read her older sister's trashy

magazines, smoked our first cigarette, drank our first beer,

tried our first joint, skipped school, drove too fast,

kissed the boys, sometimes made them cry....

fought with each other, made up....

went our separate ways,

got married,

got back together,

had babies,

got busy,

had mid-life crisis's,

divorced,

remarried (me, twice)

came out (her),

cried,

laughed,

dreamed,

learned,

and now,

she has gone her own way,

again.

We talk,

I feel sick,

we laugh,

it doesn't help....

I am sometimes

sad.....

Best meal, ever...

This was the crowning glory...

This meal made my weekend.

I know it is modest by all measurements,

but it brought me back to reality.

Back to my life, not infringing on someone else's.

I spent a good part of last week thinking about the life of

another. I couldn't seem to shake the image, or the feelings.

It felt so fragile, lost even, to know a friend had passed on

without the benefit of someone to keep him company.

But,

this meal, made by the loving hands of my sweet husband,

snapped me out of it.

It was prepared on a sunny, warm afternoon.....

windows open, sweat on our foreheads,

pollen threatening to clog every orifice (sorry) and yet

here is was a simple meal that brought me back to the here and now.

Right here, right now.

Right where my feet are planted.

Ah....

that is so much better.

Blessed relief.

How do we grieve?

Grieving....

Are we actually participating in the grieving when we do not feel especially sad?

When we are sort of grateful for the passing of someone......

whose life was swallowed up in pain?

Are we disrespectful of the memory when we are glad for the relief?

Who is the expert on grieving, anyway?

Someone who has lost a great abundance?

Who wakes up feeling empty?

Are there parameters for the grieving process?

I know that there are the recognized stages....

I am very familiar with that process, but this feels so different.

I am not sad, but actually thrilled for him. As he is no longer in a desperate mode.

He will no longer spend his energy, time, money and brain power trying to prove his significance to the ones he loves......He will no longer loose sleep over "perceived slights". He will no longer ache for the loving arms of the women he loved. He will know that there is freedom.

Freedom from the wheelchair...

Freedom from his thoughts....

Freedom from fear, haunting and subtle...

Freedom from gravity.

We will miss you Roger, but only for a short time.

We will see you in a new light someday...

Freedom.