was....that I had spent my entire life
making others responsible for my happiness...
I was miserable and went
about my life blaming the
misbehaving people in my life,
for my sadness...
Eight years ago...
all that changed.
suddenly, as those towers came down..
I came face to face with my
sadness....
at first, all I could do was cry...
sometimes for the thousands affected by this tragedy,
and at times, honestly... for myself
for all I was missing in life.
For the relationship that had not blossomed
and grown...
For the envy I felt toward
happy women in good relationships.
Over the next few days,
it seemed that every time I listened to radio,
or TV, I heard stories of people who were "saved"
from the catastrophe thru some strange coincidence
or "angelic intervention".
All of these people, when interviewed, spoke
about how they came to believe that God had something
"bigger" in mind for them, that they were not meant to
be in the towers, but were meant to live...
and perhaps accomplish something else.
I started to think about
exactly what I was "contributing"...
I prayed, meditated, and consulted with people
whose opinion I valued.
Someone, who has always been there for me
said...."you know, we are all responsible for our own
happiness...."
Really.
Well...
those words changed my life.
I woke up.
I started to work on me...
I explored new avenues...
I started to look at my happiness as a project,
one that would be on-going.
I worked toward the goal of self-responsibility,
and I started to step out on faith...
faith that if I "would simply show up at the party...
well, something will happen".
A tremendous amount of difficult things
started to happen,
but you know....
through it all,
I was happy.
smiles.
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