How hard it is to accept the unacceptable....

Who among us can't relate to Viola?

How many times has life given someone else,

who we see as undeserving, the better deal?

How many times have we said "NO FAIR!",

and pointed out the other person's faults?

The only thing that growing older really gives you is a little perspective.

If you are open to it,

and very lucky.

The last 24 hours have seemed particularly unfair.

Details are unimportant.

But today I am grateful that I am older and tiny bit wiser,

and know in my heart that everything will be OK.

Life goes on whether we choose to participate or not.....

If we choose to "be in the game",

we have to accept that we will not always win.

And sometimes life does seem to be unfair....

Valentine's Day celebrations...

This was the scene of a V-Day party I photographed years ago.It was sort of a crazy affair at a home where no one actually seemed to live. I was recommended by the caterer, who I had known for a number of years. It was what I would call a mansion, I didn't even see the whole thing. Brand New, huge, very fancy, and not at all the sort of place I would feel "at home" in....

Well, it was a paying job, and I needed the money, so I packed up the day before and called my regular "assistant". She apologized and said she was out of the state and would not return for days. HOLY COW!

You see, I never go on an assignment without an assistant. Not because I need the help, so much, but because I don't want my equipment stolen, broken, splashed, hidden, sat-on, etc...

All of which has happened at one time or another. So....I asked another friend to help me out and offered to pay him the regular amount, he refused, and said he would do it for free. Well, I wasn't in a position to argue with him, so off we went. The night was fine, and I got paid.

But the biggest thing that came out of this strange affair was my husband.

You see, that assistant was "he".

He helped me, and understood my profession.

We fell in love over the next few months,

and were married on Jan. 1, 2005.

We count Valentines day as our first date.

I am blessed.

Change.....

Does anyone have any idea why they call it "menopause",

when in fact nothing is actually pausing?

It seems that everything is happening at once,

wrinkles, pimples, skipped periods, cramps,

more zits, more wrinkles to match them,

mood swings, hot flashes, heat rash,

heels splitting due to dry skin.

What the hell is going on here?

One day I feel like a teenager, full of zest for living

and the very next day, I can hardly get out of bed,

achy, tired and simply beat by gravity.

This fern is in the east facing window of my living room.

It has survived and prospered even with the dry heat air of winter.

I mist it everyday, and water often.

It looks great!

I wonder if I should start misting myself?

My Addiction.....

Well, I simply cannot remember where it all started......

My first sip was certainly taken for honorable reasons.

I was under the impression that it was for those of us that could not bear to consume any more calories than absolutely necessary. Those of us on "weight check" at work,.....yes there was a time back in the stone age when flight attendants, "stewartresses"as many inappropriately called us, had to hop up on the old fashioned set of scales to be weighed each month. But I digress...

Diet Coke has been my friend,

allowing me to loose weight,

down a BC powder without choking,

survive stressful situations,

glide through divorce,

persist in long afternoons on the beach,

sustain a good (or semi-good) attitude when I

found myself in the company of idiots,

act with some decorum at family functions,

and finally, it gave me a friend when it seemed I was all alone.

YES, Diet Coke has done all of that for me at one time or another,

but as with all addictions there came a time when it turned on me.

A time that I like to call,........

Hell.

Now, I must limit myself to one DC a day.

If I sneak even one additional, I am in huge trouble,

for you see, my body can no longer take what ever it is in DC that is Addictive.

My body chemistry gets all @#*%)^*&$ed up and I develop problems.

Problems that you really don't want to know the full details of, but believe me,

no one wants these problems.

I have tried other solutions.

I have gone on the wagon, so to speak, for weeks at a time...

thinking that when I returned to DC, I would be able to gently moderate my consumption

No such luck, I am sorry to report.

I've yet to find a 12 step program for DC addiction,

of course I haven't looked too far.

You see, I don't get ticketed for driving under the influence of DC.

I don't get divorced due to out of control DC drinking.

I haven't lost too many friends over my DC consumption.

(Only those radical DDP drinkers, you know who you are, and they are all flakes anyway).

Well, I just thought that this might be the 1st step in some recovery,

admitting I have a problem.....

But I am pretty sure that it is going to take a very long time to actually want to quit.

Maybe next year.....

Summertime is calling me.......

The windows are open...

I am listening to the construction of a swimming pool in the neighbors' yard.

The birds were singing their lungs out this morning.

It is in the 70's here, and my heart is crying out for a trip to the beach.

Ever since I obtained my Driver's license at age 16, I've escaped to the beach, usually on a whim.....

Sometimes....I would enlist the company of a girlfriend, sometimes, I would go it alone.

I yearn for the sand between my toes, the sound of the surf to wake me, cotton candy at the Pavilion, dancing at the Spanish Galleon.....and the sound of "beach music" to keep me company in the evening.

I haven't been able to take a trip for a long time now,...and it is starting to grate on my nerves.

Maybe soon....

Still more layers....

Still pealing...

Well, there is one very interesting aspect of being in this process.....

As the layers pile up behind me, I am able to look at them with some perspective.

Not always, this is not a perfect process (or maybe,....it is).

But occasionally, I look back at a part of me that has undergone transformation,..... or I have outgrown,...... or I have simply discarded,..... and I can see it for what it really was.

Sometimes......

I find that it was only an old tool

that I used to get me through a rough patch,

or maybe it was learned behaviour from childhood,

or maybe it was just me being selfish.

Whatever it was, it doesn't suit me any longer,

and I must get rid of it.

If I don't, it will fester and irritate me.

I don't' dare forget the layer though,

for if I do.....

It will creep back into my repertoire,

I will use it, as it is familiar.....

and if not really careful, I will allow it to

become part of me again,

and the whole process will start over.

Growing up is so very hard to do....