What I realized....

was....that I had spent my entire life

making others responsible for my happiness...

I was miserable and went

about my life blaming the

misbehaving people in my life,

for my sadness...

Eight years ago...

all that changed.

suddenly, as those towers came down..

I came face to face with my

sadness....

at first, all I could do was cry...

sometimes for the thousands affected by this tragedy,

and at times, honestly... for myself

for all I was missing in life.

For the relationship that had not blossomed

and grown...

For the envy I felt toward

happy women in good relationships.

Over the next few days,

it seemed that every time I listened to radio,

or TV, I heard stories of people who were "saved"

from the catastrophe thru some strange coincidence

or "angelic intervention".

All of these people, when interviewed, spoke

about how they came to believe that God had something

"bigger" in mind for them, that they were not meant to

be in the towers, but were meant to live...

and perhaps accomplish something else.

I started to think about

exactly what I was "contributing"...

I prayed, meditated, and consulted with people

whose opinion I valued.

Someone, who has always been there for me

said...."you know, we are all responsible for our own

happiness...."

Really.

Well...

those words changed my life.

I woke up.

I started to work on me...

I explored new avenues...

I started to look at my happiness as a project,

one that would be on-going.

I worked toward the goal of self-responsibility,

and I started to step out on faith...

faith that if I "would simply show up at the party...

well, something will happen".

A tremendous amount of difficult things

started to happen,

but you know....

through it all,

I was happy.

smiles.