Summertime is calling me.......

The windows are open...

I am listening to the construction of a swimming pool in the neighbors' yard.

The birds were singing their lungs out this morning.

It is in the 70's here, and my heart is crying out for a trip to the beach.

Ever since I obtained my Driver's license at age 16, I've escaped to the beach, usually on a whim.....

Sometimes....I would enlist the company of a girlfriend, sometimes, I would go it alone.

I yearn for the sand between my toes, the sound of the surf to wake me, cotton candy at the Pavilion, dancing at the Spanish Galleon.....and the sound of "beach music" to keep me company in the evening.

I haven't been able to take a trip for a long time now,...and it is starting to grate on my nerves.

Maybe soon....

Still more layers....

Still pealing...

Well, there is one very interesting aspect of being in this process.....

As the layers pile up behind me, I am able to look at them with some perspective.

Not always, this is not a perfect process (or maybe,....it is).

But occasionally, I look back at a part of me that has undergone transformation,..... or I have outgrown,...... or I have simply discarded,..... and I can see it for what it really was.

Sometimes......

I find that it was only an old tool

that I used to get me through a rough patch,

or maybe it was learned behaviour from childhood,

or maybe it was just me being selfish.

Whatever it was, it doesn't suit me any longer,

and I must get rid of it.

If I don't, it will fester and irritate me.

I don't' dare forget the layer though,

for if I do.....

It will creep back into my repertoire,

I will use it, as it is familiar.....

and if not really careful, I will allow it to

become part of me again,

and the whole process will start over.

Growing up is so very hard to do....

Decisions......

At some point in every adult life we face a decision.....
Will we act in an ethical manner, or no...
Will we be willing to loose a friendship by telling the truth,
or will we slide back into the comfortable but dark disfunction of going along with the trend.....
The trend maybe to fudge the truth, like on one's taxes, or on one's background, or education in order to get what we want at the time.

It is always a slippery slope.

Now, I am realizing that choosing to do the "right thing" also entails pain.
Pain of loosing a friendship,
pain of being alone in the right,
sadness that a relationship was not what one imagined.
Pain of feeling lost in the growth,
for there is always growth.
Some refer to it as "peeling the onion".
I now know that the reason we cry when chopping an onion has something to do with
revealing the truth....

I have lost special people in my life thru my choosing not to participate in the lies.....
Not my lies, theirs....
I choose to live in reality, not denial.
For denial is a dangerous place for me to tread.
I fear going there.

Some days I feel particularly raw.
I feel worn out from the growth.
I no longer allow myself the luxury of denial.

Sometimes, I am just plain sad.
I am beginning to hate growth.

Blue-eyed girls.....

Who could have predicted?

Who would have thought?

Only, in the mind of God...

Years ago, I was privileged to photograph a beautiful

young woman.....

Little did I know, that she would become a dear friend.

Little did I know, that she would become mother to 2 beautiful

blue-eyed girls.

Little did I know, what a talented photographer she would become....

Little did I know, how much fun I would have in the company of

all three of these

blue-eyed girls

God's plans continue to surprise me.

Smiles!

When....

We never know....

When our time will come,

When good is right around the corner,

when we will loose a friend,

when the cake will flop,

when memories will overwhelm us,

when the good in someone will shine through,

when the dog will bark,

when children will make more sense than adults,

when snow will fall,

when your son will delight you with his intelligence,

when your parents will need you to guide them,

when the postman will bring the long awaited letter,

when your best friend will disappoint you,

when your mentor will change, for the worse,

when you will question God,

when he will renew your faith,

when you will be given a second chance,

when everything you have ever wished for will suddenly be true.

Thank God for change....

Trust....

Sometimes.....
it is difficult to see where we are going.
Sometimes, we end up on a path that isn't what we signed up for....
It is frightening to find ourselves in a completely different setting,
with strangers, heading toward a goal that seems unclear and strange.....

My experience has been that the less I expect of the journey,
the happier I am.
When I don't know where I am going,
it is better to just trust that God and the universe do know....
and that I am being guided, led and encouraged by the people I meet along the way.

Much like driving in a blizzard....
10 years ago (or more) my mother and I flew to Boston, rented a car and drove up I-95 to
southern Maine to visit her mother. About 10 miles north of Boston it started to snow.
Before we knew it we were crawling along at 20 mph or less, following an eighteen-wheeler.
All I could see was his tail lights, and I knew that if I stopped, we would not move again for quite awhile. He led us slowly through the snow, and left the interstate at our exit. We arrived, late but safe.

There are no accidents.

Be young, Be foolish, But be happy......

Several times a year, for many years the "Chicks" have been getting together, either at the beach, or in the mountains. We have known each other for decades. Some of us went to Junior High school together. Last year, one of us died of Cancer. It was awful. But, we had warning, and spent the last several years making our weekends special. We even managed to all turn 50. We miss Anne like crazy, and always take a photo, or many, of her with us on our weekends. She was the most beautiful of us all, even when the illness took all it could from her.
We are all turning into grandmothers now, and Anne managed to do that too, in fact she is with her grandson now....
Did I say we miss her?
We are creatures of habit. We all throw our sunglasses down in the pile, so we will be able to find them later....and our keys,......and our purses....etc....
We should get Anne's glasses, keys and a purse to take with us.