New Hair.....

Yep, new hair.....

Brown, shorter, cooler.....

New outlook to go with....

Not willing to become stuck.

Not willing to blame....

or accept blame...

Growth never seems to let up on it's insistent

rapping....rapping on the door....

The universe appears to see me as much more

"centered" than I can intellectually accept....

I have been blessed with.....

good friends.....

a safe place to live....

faith......

calm......

Thank you....

Decisions......

At some point in every adult life we face a decision.....
Will we act in an ethical manner, or no...
Will we be willing to loose a friendship by telling the truth,
or will we slide back into the comfortable but dark disfunction of going along with the trend.....
The trend maybe to fudge the truth, like on one's taxes, or on one's background, or education in order to get what we want at the time.

It is always a slippery slope.

Now, I am realizing that choosing to do the "right thing" also entails pain.
Pain of loosing a friendship,
pain of being alone in the right,
sadness that a relationship was not what one imagined.
Pain of feeling lost in the growth,
for there is always growth.
Some refer to it as "peeling the onion".
I now know that the reason we cry when chopping an onion has something to do with
revealing the truth....

I have lost special people in my life thru my choosing not to participate in the lies.....
Not my lies, theirs....
I choose to live in reality, not denial.
For denial is a dangerous place for me to tread.
I fear going there.

Some days I feel particularly raw.
I feel worn out from the growth.
I no longer allow myself the luxury of denial.

Sometimes, I am just plain sad.
I am beginning to hate growth.

When....

We never know....

When our time will come,

When good is right around the corner,

when we will loose a friend,

when the cake will flop,

when memories will overwhelm us,

when the good in someone will shine through,

when the dog will bark,

when children will make more sense than adults,

when snow will fall,

when your son will delight you with his intelligence,

when your parents will need you to guide them,

when the postman will bring the long awaited letter,

when your best friend will disappoint you,

when your mentor will change, for the worse,

when you will question God,

when he will renew your faith,

when you will be given a second chance,

when everything you have ever wished for will suddenly be true.

Thank God for change....

Trust....

Sometimes.....
it is difficult to see where we are going.
Sometimes, we end up on a path that isn't what we signed up for....
It is frightening to find ourselves in a completely different setting,
with strangers, heading toward a goal that seems unclear and strange.....

My experience has been that the less I expect of the journey,
the happier I am.
When I don't know where I am going,
it is better to just trust that God and the universe do know....
and that I am being guided, led and encouraged by the people I meet along the way.

Much like driving in a blizzard....
10 years ago (or more) my mother and I flew to Boston, rented a car and drove up I-95 to
southern Maine to visit her mother. About 10 miles north of Boston it started to snow.
Before we knew it we were crawling along at 20 mph or less, following an eighteen-wheeler.
All I could see was his tail lights, and I knew that if I stopped, we would not move again for quite awhile. He led us slowly through the snow, and left the interstate at our exit. We arrived, late but safe.

There are no accidents.