That's the word
that I chose
at the beginning of the year
to concentrate on in 2010.
I am still thinking....
In fact,
it has been brought home to me
on a regular basis that most
of the people I seem to interact with
(bloggers excluded)
are far from authentic.
Is it fear?
Is it meanness?
Is it ignorance?
Is it miscommunication?
Really!
I want to know.
I want to understand.
And,
if I am looking at it
in a skewed manner,
well,
I want to know that too....
Really.
Do I perceive the bloggers
I follow as being authentic
because they are?
or are they really good at
"puttin on the show"?
Is the fear factor eliminated
because they don't ever have
to meet face to face?
Or is the internet just
a place that one can be
anyone you want to be?
Here is my dilemma.....
I spent some time with a few of my
old friends recently.
It was weird.
They were fascinated by things that seemed
so foreign to them, (and me)
and they didn't seem at all like the
people I once knew.
I know there is room for growing up, but not developing
a whole new personality.
Then there is the situation
where one of my friends
came into a large amount of money.
I have seen very little of her since.
She has not simply excluded me,
she seems to be avoiding everyone.
What is that all about?
Now,
I am contemplating going to a
35 yr reunion (high school)
I want to go,
at least I think I want to......
I was first informed about this
reunion via the infamous
Facebook.
And the price for the event seemed doable.
So I said YES!
and paid my money.
Now I am watching how people are
interacting.....
and honestly,
I am a bit frightened,
bewildered,
confused,
apprehensive,
nervous,
and
seriously folks,
I don't want to be disillusioned again.
So help me out if you have some experience here.
Do you find people to be authentic?
Do you go to reunions?
Have you been disappointed by
old friends?
Does the high school clique thingy crop up at your reunions?
Finally,
Do you trust what people present to you,
and is that a vital part of liking them?
What do you think?
Now about that cat....
She must be the reason that the food in
that particular feeder
(we have many)
lasts longer.
She is a neighbors' pet
and loves to hunt by the trees out back.
smiles.
Posts
Oh I so feel this quandary. And, no, I am finding fewer people to be authentic. That is why my circle is getting smaller and smaller. And I have discovered that that is just fine with me.
ReplyDeleteI think the internet is helping us all to become more in-authentic... we are all our own press secretaries, spinning our stories... but it is still fun to read all those stories. :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as face-to-face friendships go -- I've always had a small circle of friends who seem "authentic" or honest, and fun and caring. And I have zero interest in going to any high school reunions. lol
I thought I had posted a comment last night but somehow it isn't here, I did something goofy I am sure. I have found that all the bloggers I have met in person are exactly the same as I perceived them from their blogs. I think that is because we tend to follow those most like us and if we are authentic they will probably be the same. As for the reunion, I say go and have fun. Don't expect too much from those you haven't seen in years. If someone chooses to portray themselves as something they are not then it is not your problem but theirs. I think as we grow older we have different groups of friends for different reasons. The ones that are closest are the ones we should expect the most from as far as authenticity. Others may still be a blast to hang out with but sometimes we just have to lower expectations. And yes I have been disappointed in a friend but people have unseen reasons for every action and we may never know what makes them do or say certain things. Have fun at the reunion and know that whatever someone may do or say, it isn't personal, it is about what is going on in their own head. Hugs, Pam
ReplyDeletePS I did a post linking to yours today because I have been having some conflict of my own in this area.
I have opinions on so much of what I read herein.
ReplyDeleteIf you go to your class reunion, you will be surrounded by actors and actresses. What it will make for is great blogging.
I think it's impossible to read someone's blog, every day for a year or more and not have a good sense of who they really are.
The bloggers I enjoy are people I enjoy, whether I've met them in person or not. I'm very thankful to the internet for making the world a smaller place.
I believe that if we have a handful of REAL friends in a lifetime, we are EXTRAORDINARILY blessed.
I also believe that money doesn't change the person you are, it just magnifies it.
Great post, Ellen!!
You are all so kind to lend your thoughts here.....I am grateful to you all....smiles.
ReplyDeletegorgeou post
ReplyDeleteI believe we live in very in-authentic times, perhaps because of "political correctness." It's difficult to share opinions and a real self without offending someone, although why they choose to get so hot and bothered I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI've caught up with old friends also, and been surprised by some of their interest in money and STUFF, but when I think about it they were that way in high school & college, too. We just didn't have money or stuff then and it was daydreaming about an untraveled future. In these particular friends, their essence is still the same, and they probably think I'm silly for my obsession with LOST, or blogging.
Reunions...you gotta be in the mood for them. People don't look the same, there are health issues and divorces and deaths. We've started more impromptu gatherings in bars/restaurants, etc. Less formal and easier to talk and catch up. But, still very odd to see ourselves older.
my opinion is to always try to not expect too much off of anyone...keep ur close face to face relationships in sight, but dont expect soo much even from them...coz sometimes it turns out that u might be more giving than most ppl can be..and thats not their fault...they will be there for u as much as they can in their own capacity which maybe less than what u give / expect in return from them...
ReplyDeleteand life isnt worth living without trusting people around u...even the ones u dont know [bloggers] ..no one says u cant change ur opinion if u find out later on in life that they r not who they seem to be... at that point u change ur opinion about them and move on..but y not enjoy the trust until then...coz there is a 50% chance that they actually might be genuine and u may really really like them ...plus i feel like for regular bloggers it might just be too exhaustive to fake a persona on a regular basis... i mean imagine if u have to pretend to be someone u r not everyday!! i dont think it would last...
have fun at ur reunion...dont care what people say...think about it as a brand new party where u dont know anyone at all..and start all over..safer than assuming they r all mean right?
http://donotshoeme.blogspot.com/
follow if u like what u see?
xoxo
I can relate, Ellen. I appreciate your transparency - you seem very authentic. Have a great wknd! xx
ReplyDeleteI passed on my 30th reunion, but now I regret the decision. Go, but check your expectations at the door.
ReplyDeleteThank you all.....so much love....smiles.
ReplyDeleteHigh school reunions, just a place to compare acheivements. not about you the person. When we young we have no relationship boundaries, anything goes. As we grown older we question more, we want more we feel more, thats all good as it helps us to make informed choices .
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking! I'm with PJ on this one-- all the way.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to reread your post and think about it some more.
Cheers,
jj
Good observations and questions raised. I believe authenticity is actually quite rare. It takes a lot of courage. My circle of friends is also quite small but growing through blogging. And I've never been to one of my reunions and haven't missed them. On the other hand, my sister goes to all of hers and loves them. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Wow. Yes, I do know what you mean. No, I have never gone to a high school reunion. I hate contrived events.
ReplyDeleteAs to friendships - I think they wax and wane. We change and grow and sometimes we outgrow our friendships. It's sad, but true.
As for blogging, I think most of the people I follow seem to be authentic - they have no reason to be otherwise. But that doesn't mean than they don't have less desirable sides to themselves, which we often see in face to face friendships. But I do believe I am a much more open-minded person because of blogging. I am more - because of all of you.